Through the same pain


Speechless, no word left. Don’t even I can think a single word to speak.  Everything might be very easy and simple but it is not for me.
Why don this to only me? Why so cruel? Why does it happen?
Do I not deserve? I have never asked for anything more than… Am I not that much strong? Am I not fighting for that? What else do need from me? Why must I always beg for?
Am I the only one who doesn’t really enough for it?
People good deed is when you don’t expect anything in return. I don’t know exactly what is running through your mind. Like a changing weather. Sometimes like a shining sun but just go away, leaving cloudy darkness all around, silence fall as autumn and sometime freezing with black hole of cold. I have lots of questions to ask. Why this? Why that? I know I will end up with no answer.
Why can’t I accept the fact that happened me? Why does it hurt me more than anything else? Why do I hurt myself more, even though never listens to me?
With this monologue, tears rolled gradually from my eyes all the way, finally landed into the pillow where they dissolved. Nowadays, there is no charm in my behavior. I speak nothing but my mind and heart speaks more. There is no doubt I will be never ever back. But, is this the incident that I never think for? Does it all hurt and does everyone have to go through the same situation as me? Why does it seem I have to suffer more? I am still troubled about whether such depths of trouble are felt by all. I am searching out loud for happiness. It isn’t necessary to tell everyone the truth of my feelings, but I want to roar about it. The battle inside my is between mine heart and mind.
Every day I wakes up motivates me to do better, to fly high. I searches for happiness, satisfaction, but finally ends up stuck with ridiculous emotions which never let go. The main problem is that I can’t. This incident was engraved in mind and dreams. It won’t leave me easily. It always follows me everywhere and haunts me in dreams.
May I am totally sick inside. My emotions are killing slowly.
People have completed their journey miles away, they have gone so far, rushing to do their best and achieve a comfortable life, but I still sit there. I sit there, holding back painful memories of that incident. I tried every possible way to pull me from the melancholy, but nothing works.


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